Ok, here is how the beta levels are going:
12 dpo = 44
15 dpo = 198
17 dpo = 394
its looking good for now! I go for my first ultrasound on 10/29. I hope we will see a heartbeat by then. Until the heartbeat I am stressed out A LOT!
October 18, 2008
October 09, 2008
holy hell!
So T called me yesterday and asked if I was pregnant. Its still too early to test so I said I didnt know. She said she had a dream and that I was pregnant with triplets. That scared me enough to test at 3:30 AM and wtf....it was ++++++!
Im freaking out now! Im terrified! I have betas scheduled for the next few days!
Im freaking out now! Im terrified! I have betas scheduled for the next few days!
October 08, 2008
thinking of next time
Not that I am being pessimistic, but I am looking toward the next round of meds/IUI etc. I just dont feel like this was it. Now that Ive said that, watch me be wrong. I hope so!!
I had weird cramps this week. I usually dont cramp up like this until right before my period. Blah. Maybe just another side effect of the clomid. I am planning on testing on the 11th or so. I have an appointment at CCRM on the 15th. I hope they can give us some more insight. We arent going to do IVF (at least not now) but maybe they can have other ideas.
I had weird cramps this week. I usually dont cramp up like this until right before my period. Blah. Maybe just another side effect of the clomid. I am planning on testing on the 11th or so. I have an appointment at CCRM on the 15th. I hope they can give us some more insight. We arent going to do IVF (at least not now) but maybe they can have other ideas.
September 27, 2008
another round
Well, here we go again. Today was another IUI. Tomorrow is another IUI. Im so sick of the meds and everything. This time the clomid did work (surprise, just before I could convince them to change it!). There were 4 follicles, 2 at 18 and 2 around 15. They (again) didnt think I'd surge on my own and I did. At least this is a saturday and sunday IUI. Im running out of sick days at work!
Overall, I am still hopeful. I have to be. I am just tired. I really hope this works.
Overall, I am still hopeful. I have to be. I am just tired. I really hope this works.
September 11, 2008
so high then so low...
Over the summer I really felt like I FINALLY came to grips with the whole infertility/miscarriage thing. I felt I was in a good place and I was exactly where I was supposed to be, even if the place sucked. Yesterday I came crashing down. After everything weve done why will nothing work? I would love to be throwing up everyday and sick sick sick-if only to be pregnant! What are we doing wrong?
DO NOT TELL ME TO RELAX! It will not happen any quicker or better if I just let things go. Some people should know better than to even suggest that! If you have ever gone through infertility treatments or a miscarriage then you should be supportive. If you cant think of anything to say then just SAY NOTHING! Its better than crappy advice like: just relax, go on vacation, stop thinking about it, or just have a lot of sex.
And to all those people who keep asking me if Im pregnant or have kids....stop being nosy. NO I am not pregnant. Thank you for telling me that Ive gained weight. I love taking fertility drugs that DO NOT WORK and having all of the side effects. NO, we do not have any kids. YES we would like them...YESTERDAY! No we do not have any pets because we dont have kids. No we do not travel a lot since we are not TIED DOWN.
I just wish I could scream at people and tell them to GET A LITTLE COMMON SENSE, SENSITIVITY, and a FREAKING FILTER FOR THEIR THOUGHTS/ADVICE!
Sorry for the rant. Like I said, this is not a good place to be right now.
DO NOT TELL ME TO RELAX! It will not happen any quicker or better if I just let things go. Some people should know better than to even suggest that! If you have ever gone through infertility treatments or a miscarriage then you should be supportive. If you cant think of anything to say then just SAY NOTHING! Its better than crappy advice like: just relax, go on vacation, stop thinking about it, or just have a lot of sex.
And to all those people who keep asking me if Im pregnant or have kids....stop being nosy. NO I am not pregnant. Thank you for telling me that Ive gained weight. I love taking fertility drugs that DO NOT WORK and having all of the side effects. NO, we do not have any kids. YES we would like them...YESTERDAY! No we do not have any pets because we dont have kids. No we do not travel a lot since we are not TIED DOWN.
I just wish I could scream at people and tell them to GET A LITTLE COMMON SENSE, SENSITIVITY, and a FREAKING FILTER FOR THEIR THOUGHTS/ADVICE!
Sorry for the rant. Like I said, this is not a good place to be right now.
July 25, 2008
time flies
Wow! Its been a while since Ive posted. Here are the updates.
In May we tried everything au natural....didnt work. We started clomid (the devil drug) in June. All it did was make me insane. Even through I did ovulate, the clomid made "hostile mucus". Now for July we are on clomid again. Woo hoo. We are doing IUI (intrauterine insemination) this month.
I stress over this. When I did the HSG the catheter they used hurt SO much. I am worried this will hurt a lot also. Im doing it, I promised R I would. I also have to do daily blood draws starting on Sunday morning. So needles, catheters, sterile environments. If this does work, its not the best story to tell your kid when they ask "where did i come from"?
Here is how that conversation might go....
child: where did i come from?
mom: well, we really wanted you, but you took forever to show up. eventually mommy and daddy let doctors take gallons of their blood until they finally figured out that we needed help. mommy had to take medicine that caused her to go temporarily insane and alienate her friends and family because she was psychotic. after that mommy had to go to the doctor every morning before the sun came up to have more blood taken.
dad: after the doctor said it was time, daddy had to put his "contribution" into a cup and then mommy and daddy drove downtown. the doctor then took daddy's cup and cleaned it up and then he put a tube into mommy. he put daddy into that tube and it went into mommy and then we waited (while mommy peed on everything she could find) 2 weeks and found out you were there.
child: so is the doctor my daddy?
ok, so im sarcastic and slightly bitter today.
im so damn sick of people telling me to "relax" and it will happen. that could be the case for a lot of people, but obviously "relaxing" doesnt have anything to do with getting pregnant. if that were the case there would only be pre-natal yoga classes. i am not stressed out over this. i am finally at peace with the whole thing. its everyone and their stupid, insensitive advice that pisses me off. that is when i get stressed out. me exploring options does not make it impossible for us to get pregnant because i am seeking medical interventions.
what if someone told a person with cancer to relax and it would go away. um, no...
ok, rant over for today. maybe....
In May we tried everything au natural....didnt work. We started clomid (the devil drug) in June. All it did was make me insane. Even through I did ovulate, the clomid made "hostile mucus". Now for July we are on clomid again. Woo hoo. We are doing IUI (intrauterine insemination) this month.
I stress over this. When I did the HSG the catheter they used hurt SO much. I am worried this will hurt a lot also. Im doing it, I promised R I would. I also have to do daily blood draws starting on Sunday morning. So needles, catheters, sterile environments. If this does work, its not the best story to tell your kid when they ask "where did i come from"?
Here is how that conversation might go....
child: where did i come from?
mom: well, we really wanted you, but you took forever to show up. eventually mommy and daddy let doctors take gallons of their blood until they finally figured out that we needed help. mommy had to take medicine that caused her to go temporarily insane and alienate her friends and family because she was psychotic. after that mommy had to go to the doctor every morning before the sun came up to have more blood taken.
dad: after the doctor said it was time, daddy had to put his "contribution" into a cup and then mommy and daddy drove downtown. the doctor then took daddy's cup and cleaned it up and then he put a tube into mommy. he put daddy into that tube and it went into mommy and then we waited (while mommy peed on everything she could find) 2 weeks and found out you were there.
child: so is the doctor my daddy?
ok, so im sarcastic and slightly bitter today.
im so damn sick of people telling me to "relax" and it will happen. that could be the case for a lot of people, but obviously "relaxing" doesnt have anything to do with getting pregnant. if that were the case there would only be pre-natal yoga classes. i am not stressed out over this. i am finally at peace with the whole thing. its everyone and their stupid, insensitive advice that pisses me off. that is when i get stressed out. me exploring options does not make it impossible for us to get pregnant because i am seeking medical interventions.
what if someone told a person with cancer to relax and it would go away. um, no...
ok, rant over for today. maybe....
May 29, 2008
Looking Forward
Thank God school is out in 2.5 days. I just don't think I could last much longer than that. I have never felt so overwhelmed or stressed out in my entire life!
Non baby related news
We are finally in the new house. It is great! I love it!! There is a lot of work to do and I don't know if I'll ever be finished unpacking, but I don't care. It's so nice to just come "home".
They increased my thyroid medication this month. Apparently the medicine reduced the size of the growth on my thyroid, but in that process my thyroid is working less than before. The antibodies will continue to kill it until it doesn't do anything (my interpretation of doctor's statement). Thats ok though, smaller growth means no surgery! I can handle meds, I just don't want to be cut open.
Baby news
Well it is summer now. We talked and decided that next cycle we will do the fertility treatments. I would rather not be on medications that turn me into a psychotic bitch while I am at work (see above stress related comment). I would hate to get fired for killing a kid or throwing things at co-workers. Someone remind me to get Ronnie a hard hat and protective clothing.
Overall, I am very much looking forward to summer. I need time to just be on my own and regroup. I plan on running in the mornings and working around the house. We may even go on our honeymoon (finally), There are family reunions and our new nephew is coming to visit. It is packed and almost seems too much at times, but I think it will work out and I will be rested and renewed to go back to work in August.
Oh, I almost forgot...We are running the Disneyland Half Marathon at the end of August! I am excited!
Non baby related news
We are finally in the new house. It is great! I love it!! There is a lot of work to do and I don't know if I'll ever be finished unpacking, but I don't care. It's so nice to just come "home".
They increased my thyroid medication this month. Apparently the medicine reduced the size of the growth on my thyroid, but in that process my thyroid is working less than before. The antibodies will continue to kill it until it doesn't do anything (my interpretation of doctor's statement). Thats ok though, smaller growth means no surgery! I can handle meds, I just don't want to be cut open.
Baby news
Well it is summer now. We talked and decided that next cycle we will do the fertility treatments. I would rather not be on medications that turn me into a psychotic bitch while I am at work (see above stress related comment). I would hate to get fired for killing a kid or throwing things at co-workers. Someone remind me to get Ronnie a hard hat and protective clothing.
Overall, I am very much looking forward to summer. I need time to just be on my own and regroup. I plan on running in the mornings and working around the house. We may even go on our honeymoon (finally), There are family reunions and our new nephew is coming to visit. It is packed and almost seems too much at times, but I think it will work out and I will be rested and renewed to go back to work in August.
Oh, I almost forgot...We are running the Disneyland Half Marathon at the end of August! I am excited!
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