New Beginnings

Today is not the first day of the rest of my life. Today is Tuesday. Today is a day to confront the past, deal with it, and move on.

Today was my first meeting with a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE--that's a fertility specialist to those of you lucky enough not to know). He was a very positive and happy individual. His nurse was also great. They addressed the tough subjects, but did not dwell on them.

Today was a day for hope.

13 vials of blood. 1 urine test. An order for an upcoming HSG (again, if you dont know, be happy). Doesn't sound like fun. It wasn't. But it gave me hope that there can be an answer or a solution (or a miracle).

6 miscarriages. No babies to hold. 1 failed marriage. I wouldn't change any of it.

Through all of it I found myself. Who knew I was a strong woman? Who knew I COULD deal with all of this? I know now.

I pulled myself up from the bottom of my own personal circle of hell to find out what my life is supposed to be.

I married the man of my dreams 10 days ago.

At the time I sank into questioning....marriages are supposed to start with possibilities, not problems. WHY do we have to start our marriage out with such a sense of loss? WHY can't we have the fairy tale? WHY WHY WHY?!?!?!?

2 days after the wedding I changed doctors. My new doctor, without ever seeing me, immediately gave me a referral to the RE. The RE immediately gets me an appointment. First appointment and we immediately begin testing.

I realized today our marriage and my life has an infinite number of possibilities.