Bring it on!

Ok, so short post. Morning sickness is here. Well, not morning, I usually get about an hour or 2 after I wake up that Im ok then its all downhill. Night is really the worst though. Argh.

Love (& Hope) at first sight

Today we had our first ultrasound at the RE's office. It went great. I kind of freaked out at first because it looked like an empty sac, but then they zoomed in and I could see it really in there! The heartbeat was flickering away. R was able to see it better than I was, but it was beating at 123 bpm! YAY! We go back again to follow up with the RE on November 11. I just pray that this little lump keeps growing strong!

beta levels

Ok, here is how the beta levels are going:

12 dpo = 44
15 dpo = 198
17 dpo = 394

its looking good for now! I go for my first ultrasound on 10/29. I hope we will see a heartbeat by then. Until the heartbeat I am stressed out A LOT!

holy hell!

So T called me yesterday and asked if I was pregnant. Its still too early to test so I said I didnt know. She said she had a dream and that I was pregnant with triplets. That scared me enough to test at 3:30 AM and wtf....it was ++++++!


Im freaking out now! Im terrified! I have betas scheduled for the next few days!

thinking of next time

Not that I am being pessimistic, but I am looking toward the next round of meds/IUI etc. I just dont feel like this was it. Now that Ive said that, watch me be wrong. I hope so!!

I had weird cramps this week. I usually dont cramp up like this until right before my period. Blah. Maybe just another side effect of the clomid. I am planning on testing on the 11th or so. I have an appointment at CCRM on the 15th. I hope they can give us some more insight. We arent going to do IVF (at least not now) but maybe they can have other ideas.

another round

Well, here we go again. Today was another IUI. Tomorrow is another IUI. Im so sick of the meds and everything. This time the clomid did work (surprise, just before I could convince them to change it!). There were 4 follicles, 2 at 18 and 2 around 15. They (again) didnt think I'd surge on my own and I did. At least this is a saturday and sunday IUI. Im running out of sick days at work!

Overall, I am still hopeful. I have to be. I am just tired. I really hope this works.

so high then so low...

Over the summer I really felt like I FINALLY came to grips with the whole infertility/miscarriage thing. I felt I was in a good place and I was exactly where I was supposed to be, even if the place sucked. Yesterday I came crashing down. After everything weve done why will nothing work? I would love to be throwing up everyday and sick sick sick-if only to be pregnant! What are we doing wrong?

DO NOT TELL ME TO RELAX! It will not happen any quicker or better if I just let things go. Some people should know better than to even suggest that! If you have ever gone through infertility treatments or a miscarriage then you should be supportive. If you cant think of anything to say then just SAY NOTHING! Its better than crappy advice like: just relax, go on vacation, stop thinking about it, or just have a lot of sex.

And to all those people who keep asking me if Im pregnant or have kids....stop being nosy. NO I am not pregnant. Thank you for telling me that Ive gained weight. I love taking fertility drugs that DO NOT WORK and having all of the side effects. NO, we do not have any kids. YES we would like them...YESTERDAY! No we do not have any pets because we dont have kids. No we do not travel a lot since we are not TIED DOWN.

I just wish I could scream at people and tell them to GET A LITTLE COMMON SENSE, SENSITIVITY, and a FREAKING FILTER FOR THEIR THOUGHTS/ADVICE!

Sorry for the rant. Like I said, this is not a good place to be right now.